There is a drawer we all have - it's where our wires go from all the gadgets we accumulate over the years and they're usually tangled in knots. Wires we will never use most likely. Lately, I have been looking inside those drawers within myself asking...
What needs untangling?
What can be thrown out?
What can be saved?
This drawer is called my Fuck You drawer. It's where I have stored knotted failures, relationships, condemnations, self-loathings, ego, sorrows, disappointments, betrayals...a kind of hurt locker filled with stories, wound up so tight, the wires have melted into each other forming a heavy onyx ball. Knots that began at a very small age and over time have gotten (thankfully) smaller through some therapy, self-inquiry and in sharing with kindred souls who can bear the weight of my story. The result being moments of mutually respectful vulnerability, increased connection and trust.
Which brings me to my Thank You drawer. A place where the former spills then flows like a babbling brook over unearthed diamonds of engagements with deep joy, meaning, connection, voice, movement, truth, authenticity, and high definition love so true it can cut onyx in half. The love I can only give myself.
From Fuck You to Thank You I already feel a patient untangling, a psychic weight lifting. Already I am refining the question "What can be thrown out," to "What needs to be felt?" Burrowing inside the cool earth of that question whispers an answer, "handle with care." I have much to feel and it all will save me before I reach the end of the wire I like to believe, because I think in the passage from what once felt heavy to what now feels light, is a return to my normal state of being, a place that doesn't look like a drawer but feels more like a welcoming reunion.